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David Hutchens's avatar

Jason,

I grew up in an extremely similar setting in Lubbock. Like you, I remember the times I spent with the youth group at First Baptist Church Lubbock as maybe the happiest times in my life. I LIVED there man, sometimes spending the night at the church in the summer because a local intern who went to Texas Tech would open up the church for us, order pizza and then bust out the Xbox.

I also had the most moving spiritual moments of my life at camp, Disciple Now or on mission trips. I think in some ways I am still chasing that feeling. I've spent my 20s wondering about that time in my life. I've chased that fleeting feeling of community across the globe. While my faith in God and the traditional tenants of Christianity have endured and solidified in my mind and heart, I've retreated from the organized church for many of the same reasons you listed. Frankly, the idea of faithfully attending the pseudo-baptist megachurches (they are all still in the SBC even if they have names like "Experience Life") my siblings (all great people) worship at is anathema. They seem to possess all the things I disliked about youth group and none of the things that made that experience meaningful. Most of my best friends are agnostic, atheist or of another traditional faith. If you were to look at me (I dress like a pledge at DELTA DELTA DELTA or wear suits for work), you would not think that most of my best friends are from backgrounds with very little similarity to my own. Frankly, I feel out of place at the law office I work at (I have not pulled a Nanni yet).

I disagree with you and the rest of the Fullcast band of characters about almost everything politically. I vote for people who you dislike. But I am with you when it comes you the view that Christ told us to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth and that his message is revolutionary. Grappling with that took some time. While I might disagree about some of the prescriptions, my goals are the same. So much so that I am willing to subordinate a lot of my own notions when people like you, Holly or Spencer say something on certain topics. I think this is because my relationship with goes so far beyond the temporal politics divisions of our big stupid country as to be almost trivial. While we might disagree about the role of the "state" the view that we are called to fight poverty and injustice wherever we find it is one I subscribe to and try to live by. Thankfully, I have had the quiet example of my father to look to. A devout man who has done more to help people placed in his path than any church I've ever known.

In other words, your community of writers has been like a group of friends I never get to see over the last fourteen years of my life. There have been times in my life where I have relistened to episodes of the Fullcast three to four times over a year in moments where I felt lonely or depressed. I spent a summer in Guatemala several years back at an orphanage. I used to jog miles listening to old Fullcast episodes because I felt like I was in on the conversation with you guys. The people you revered, I revered. The injustices of the sport you referenced, are ones I felt as well. I shared the incredible moments of humor this sport fosters with you guys and for once felt like I was listening to people with who I belonged. There have been times I have laughed until I cried, and there have been moments when something you guys have talked about has hit me like a ton of bricks and made me a better person. I've never felt more comfortable about the mystery of our lives as I am listening to or reading you folks. It sounds absurd that a community of people talking about college football has engendered that feeling in me, but it is true. In some ways, you guys have made me feel like I was back at youth camp with my friends.

One last story, August 2017 to August 2018 was the worst year of my life. My best friend died of an overdose while we were at law school. He loved yall's work as well. I think the loss of the only kindred spirit I had personal contact with made his death all the worse. My uncle committed suicide, my fiance ended things with me, I went through a depression that saw me avoid my family for months at a time, and I started to wonder if I had made a huge mistake to attend law school. The Fullcast helped get me through it. I was working for my dad in the mornings before class and would clean his little restaurant and filter grease before things opened. I think I listened to Fullcast episodes going back to 2013 almost every day that year. I don't know why, but an hour a day of conversation with my friends helped me to cope with that year. I remember reading Spencer's four piece mascot work to open the 2018 season and it made me break down into tears. I cried for everything that happened that year and for everything I felt. You and your friends played a huge part in helping me heal.

I will always support your work and share it with others. I never miss a chance to give you money. You mean something to me. Your honesty helps me. It might not be exactly where I am at, but it is good to know there are some fellow travelers asking the same questions I have, even if we might reach different conclusions about a few things.

Yours truly,

David Hutchens - Lubbock, Texas

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David R's avatar

This is spectacularly good.

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